LOTSW for short. We're incredibly dumb people, so don't expect a lot from us. Please.
I Bet He’s Gay (Shoujo Fanfiction) by Caspy [Part 4]
So, while you wait for Kura’s third chapter of his beautiful fanfiction, you can just read this. Also, this is my way of procrastinating from studying and enough people have been bothering me to continue this, SO HERE.
Chapter 4: Pussy Section
(Recap: So. Basically, Haru and Apol were having sex, Katie was chasing Kenta’s legs, Doubie kicked some ass (surprising, right?), and then Guyrin was seducing Mong. Unfortunately, Katie somehow caught them in the act. What the shit will she doOOooOOooOOoooo?!?!?!)
Katie: I’LL TELL YOU WHAT I’M ABOUT TO DO! I’LL SHOW THIS BITCH HOW THINGS ARE SUPPOSED TO BE DONE. QUEUE MUSIC! EVERYONE THAT’S READING THIS, PLAY THE FLY AWAY MUSIC ON THIS BLOG’S PLAYER. AND I MEAN YOU BETTER PLAY IT. MONG THINKS SHE’S SO GREAT AT SEDUCING, I’LL SHOW HER.
Mong: No, wait. It was your bitch of a boyfriend that was seduc—-
Katie: I SUMMON THEE DANCING POLE!
(A dancing pole slowly came out of the ceiling and landed conveniently next to Katie.)
Katie: DISCO BALL. COME TO YO MAMA!
(Disco ball came out of nowhere)
Mong: Oh my fucking god. Someone shoot me.
Katie: YOU SLUT! YOU WANT SOMEONE TO EJACULATE YOU ALREADY?!!!
Mong: Uh n—-
Guyrin: O-oh, Mong. You naughty girl, you.
Mong: =-=
Katie: -strips to underwear and bra and put on heels- /flips hairs. *poors water on self*
-moans-
Get…ready~
Katie blows a kiss to Guyrin.
Guyrin: Woah…
Mong: Oh no… Sh-sh-she’s hot!
(Due to the incredibly loud music, obvious disco ball, and the hot Katie, she quickly drew attention to herself. Everyone that had a sexual preference for females or just Katie suddenly gathered around her. Katie then would slide slowly, up and down the pole. She then spun around the pole in a sexual movement. She then spread out her legs around the pole and then embraced it in between her thighs. In fact, I am getting so lazy in explaining this, you might as well watch a youtube video of it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=msy7TtyAVIc)
(Anyways, people started throwing so much money at her, Katie couldn’t keep her eye on Guyrin and Mong and she was about to challenge Mong to the pole dancing, but she was nowhere to be found. Mong Had escaped like a pussy to PussyPussy section in the mall where people run to for shame. Mong then saw Apol who was sobbing in the corner. Since she had nothing else to do, she went up to him.)
Mong: Actually, no. I don’t really care. But I guess you’re gonna tell me anywaySSSSsSSSsSSs.
Apol: WAAAAAHHHHHEEEEHHHHEEEEHHHEEHHHHHHH.
Mong: OMG. JUST SHUT UP AND TELL ME, YOU WHINY BITC—-
Apol: HARU TOOPPPED MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.
Mong: …oh. Ouch.
Apol: S-s-she said my dick was too small… and my movements were too slow…. s-s-s-so… sh-she got out this d-dildo she bought from a s-s-suspicious s-s-store a-a-and…
Mong: OKAAAAY…. GOODBYE.
(Before Mong could hear the rest of Apol’s wangsting story, she ran away. As she was running, some hand grabbed her from a closet and brought her in, then closed the door shut. It was Kenta.)
Kenta: It’s just you and me now, baby.
PareFura’s Pair of Fools & StrawberryMint’s Men Chapter 2 by Kuraiinu
“What had started as such a wonderful afternoon was now shrouded by a darker shade of blue”
Chapter 2 - Confrontations, Cheesy Life Stories, and the Mysterious Caspy
“I felt so betrayed, but I decided not to let it get to me. Mari, there’s no way she’d want to replace me. I mean maybe I have some flaws, but we all do, and when we’re together we balance each other out.” Xephy was juggling so many thoughts at once.
In the end they all left after the picnic with mixed emotions, Xephy remaining to ponder on the events that had happened.
(Pan to Chiika’s house, with Mango and Ryan)
“Urgh! That hurts!” Ryan pulled back. “Sorry, was that too much?”
“You gotta be more gentle, Ryan!” Mango gave Ryan a look of watch-your-self-betch
“Fine fine, just hold still Chiika, and let me put the bandage on your cheek”
Chiika’s cheek had swollen and cut slightly from the force she had bitten down on herself upon being struck across the face by Mari.
Oddly, Chiika did not harbor any hard feelings for Mari.
“I’ll let it go this time, since she’s cute” she thought to herself.
After assisting with Chiika’s slightly bruised face, Ryan took the first aid kit back to her kitchen, while Mango gamed on some LoL on Chiika’s comp as she sat on her bed reading yaoi.
“So,” Ryan began, closing the door behind him. “What exactly happened? It’s like Mari to get so mad as to hit anyone, especially not a fellow PareFurer.”
Chiika closed her book, and was silent was for a little bit before finally speaking.
“Well, she’s kinda…….thinking about replacing Xephy.”
Mango shot from his game. “WHAT?”
Ryan’s red eyes got fierce scarlet. “H-How…….why? What’s going on in her head?!”
“Well, I asked her that and she had some odd things to say about the matter”
FLASHBACK to the picnic just before the slap
“Mari! You must have some serious particles in your ass or something, what in the world could make you want to replace someone we’ve gotten this far in the competition with AND befriended so much?”
“YOU GUYS DON’T UNDERSTAND WHAT I SAW. His voice….Caspy’s voice……was like that of an angels. I had never heard something quite like it before. It felt as if he were calling me to join him in and sing together, as our voices blended into one within the everlasting world that is Adobe Audition” *Sparkles, KIRA KIRA KIRA*
Holi stared at Mari, trying to hold back a giggle as best as she could.
“Um Mari,” Chiika continued. “I will admit, Caspy has a pretty good voice, but is he not a part of StrawberryMint? Wouldn’t that be him leaving his group and all they’ve been through? Why would you want to tear him away from his group, his family?”
“Caspy asked me about whether we’d like a new addition himself,” Mari answered confidentally.
The girls faces were blank and wide eyed.
“I can’t believe that he’d want to leave his group, I think that they really fit well the way they were!” Chiisana pleaded to Mari, trying to get her to change her mind.
“And it’s not just that,” Mari added. “As class president, having Caspy as a part of our group would seriously up our standings in the Student Council rankings!” *More sparkle sparkle on Mari, KIRA*
“I KNEW IT!” Chiika exploded. “ONCE AGAIN YOU GO ON ABOUT YOUR SILLY LITTLE STUDENT COUNCIL AND HOW MUCH IT MEANS TO YOU AND BLAH BLAH BLAH. I swear, I’d rather be drawing smut than listen to this dribble.”
“DO NOT EVER INSULT THE STUDENT COUNCIL LIKE THAT!” Mari yelled back at Chiika. “EVER SINCE I JOINED IT, I’VE NEVER FELT MORE ACCOMPLISHED AS A PERSON AND AN UPSTANDING CITIZEN. ALSO, THIS HAS KEPT ME MORE OUT OF TROUBLE THAN ANYTHING ELSE.”
“Oh of course! We wouldn’t want /another/ SCANDAL LIKE THAT TIME YOU-
ll SLAP ll
Mari’s face was cold.
“You swore to never mention that again…..I don’t want to see you right now, I’m going home.”
RETURN TO CHIIKA’S HOUSE
Ryan’s face was full of concern, and confusion.
“Wait, so this is all about student council in the end?”
“Yeah,” Chiika’s face was slightly disappointed. “At first I thought maybe she was just a crazed fangirl, but that woman loves her SC more than life itself.”
“Just how dedicated is she?” Asked Mango.
Chiika began to speak as she flipped through her manga.
“Student Council was all she had after she lost all her self confidence after, an incident. She used to be a high-jump champ. All the students adored her. Then, just before her final competition that would win her so much, she sprained her ankle and was sent out. She was left in a condition in which she could not exert any force on her leg, so she had to quit sports. Mari had loved what she did, and she fell into a depression. I suggested that she find a club to join in, since she had a strong leader sense, and whoopdy do she ended up in student council, and now that’s her new life.”
“I had never realized….” Ryan’s expression had not changed. “I only wish that I could have known about this. I would have loved to see her jump.”
!!RIING RIING RIING!!
“Hello?……….WHAT?! OK I’LL BE THERE” Ryan’s face was full of urgency, and he quickly left Chiika’s house without a word spoken.
Mango and Chiika sat there, staring at the open door, then back at each other, expressing a “what just happened” look on their faces.
Ryan was in a panic, running as fast as he could to get to the area near the park, where he saw Caspy standing near a light post, not looking at him.
“Hey that’s Caspy……what’s he doing here?”
In front of Caspy lay the passed out body of Xephy, to which Ryan suddenly ran towards in a fury.
“XEPHY! XEPHY! ARE YOU ALRIGHT? SPEAK TO ME?!” He was only passed out, much to Ryan’s relief, who then turned back at Caspy, but oddly did not express any anger.
Caspy stared down at him, and suddenly Chiisana came running towards Ryan and Xephy.
“YOU’RE FINALLY HERE! ;A; I WAS SO WORRIED. ” She was in a panic, quavering in her light blue skirt.
“Chii! What happened here!”
“I don’t know! I was just helping Holi and Xephy clean up after everyone else left, and when Holi and I went to the garbage to dispose of most of the trash, Xephy disappeared! And when we went to look for him, we found him passed out!”
“Why didn’t you call the police?” Ryan looked as if he may start raging.
“I PANICKED I’M SORRY! You were one of the only people I could think of calling!”
“Well, atleast he’s ok, I guess.”
“I didn’t mean to do it, you know” Caspy looked at them, emotionless expression in his eyes.
“Did……you do this to him, Caspy? How?” Ryan’s expression changed to concern.
“He had come up to me, at first sounding a bit concerned about my replacing him in PareFura, which I told him was a lie. But he didn’t believe me, and started to yell at me, so I just put him to sleep since he was being a nuisance to my mixing ears.”
“Wait, so is it a lie? Then why was Mari saying that…….” Ryan was juggling all kinds of thoughts in his head, he was having a hard time processing what was going on after the shock of thinking his friend was in critical condition a few minutes ago.
“Of course, she’s probably just a crazed fangirl. I have no plans on leaving StrawberryMint, they’re like my family, u know?”
Caspy then suddenly left them, as they stared at him. Chiisana then turned help Ryan help up Xephy who had finally begun to regain conciousness.
“Hey Xephy! You’re alright?” Chiisana had a sincere smile on her face.
“Yeah……but you’ve got to be careful……..that Caspy…..” Xephy struggled to speak, sweating and eyes large from fear.
“Xephy…?” Ryan looked worried.
“That Caspy……….isn’t……normal”
Xephy then passed out again.
“XEPHY! XEPHY! Come on Chii, lets get him to the bench!”
“R-Right!”
END OF CHAPTER 2
PareFura’s Pair of Fools & StrawberryMint’s Men
EVERYTHING HERE IS FICTIONAL, PLEASE DO NOT TAKE ANY OF THIS SERIOUSLY OK
They had been the best of friends, enjoyed all the moments they shared together. Throughout their time spent as a chorus group, from investigating Dirty Prisms, Dreaming about Walking in the Sky, Cutting those with Outrageous Talent, and finally reminiscing about 100 years of love, Pallete’s Fragment has made their way to become an inseparable bunch of people.
This is where our story begins
*please note I will make a lot of color puns LOL*
ll Chapter 1 - A Shade of Black ll <——ohohohohforeSHADOWing
(Saturday afternoon, the PF squad is having a well-enjoyable picnic at Harmony park.)
“HAHAHAHHAHA!” Ryan suddenly burst out in laughter pointing at Chiisana’s face
“Hmm? ;A;” Chiisana looked at the others wondering what all the commotion was about
Mari picked up a napkin and wiped the top of Chii’s nose, which was covered with the vanilla ice cream she was eating.
“Jeez Ryan, you could have said something ;_____;” She gave Ryan a stare, as he continued chuckling softly.
“Awww Chii, don’t look so BLUE! With the way you’re eating that ice cream you’re bound to end up with an ice cream moustache!”
Everyone broke out in laughter, especially Chiisana.
“So what are we going to do now that we’ve finally finished Hyakunen no Motherfucking Koi?” Chiika asked munching on a ham and cheese sandwich.
“I’m not sure, I figure we could just continue making songs just for the heck of it” Holi replied earnestly, enjoying a piece of garlic bread.
“Of course! It’s not like we can let a group like this just die down, right?” Mango had a look of confidence in his face
“I would hate if we ever disbanded, you guys have become like a family to me, isn’t that right Mari? Ian’s face was full of joy.
“ROGER!” Mari replied, her mouth still half full of the piece of cheesecake she was eating.
Xephy was watching the others with a soft smile on his face. “Oh, I think we’ve run out of soda, I’ll go fetch some!” He suddenly stood and walked off to the nearest vending machine with some coins the others gave to him.
“I really do love all of them, I’d never want to replace a wonderful group like this” he thought to himself, inserting each quarter in and picking the appropriate soda for each member.
Ryan was given Big Red
Ian a Mountain Blast Powerade
Mango an Orange Fanta
Mari some sparkling water
Chiika a strawberry Fanta
Chiisana a Bubblegum Flavored
And himself a sprite
As we began to walk back he happened to eavesdrop on a convo the girls seemed to be having away from the boys.
“Yeah, I’ve been thinking that too actually.”
He could make out Chiika’s voice.
“It’s not that we don’t like him though right? I mean he’s got a really smooth voice and he’s also one of our Moe!Men!”
Xephy chuckled to himself silently
“I know, but nowadays I’ve been thinking about the balance of voices we have in this group.”
Mari began to talk.
“We’ve got a Low voiced fruit, a vibratoing red head, and a cyan tenor with nice legs.”
He almost dropped the sodas he was holding at the last thing Mari said.
“We need someone with a stronger voice, but hey I love Xephy still though! I just wish he’d get more strength in his voice so we could get him to be one of the high male singers in the group”
Xephy didn’t say anything.
“How c-could you say that! ;A; I know you’re class president Mari, but remember this is our chorus family, not a student council club! We all need each other, and we need Xephy!” Chiisana spoke with an urgent yet soft tone, Xephy was touched by her words.
“I agree with Chii!” Holi interrupted. “Without Xephy, what will become of the rest of the boys? We’d either have to replace him, or the boys would disband and we’d become another Girl Squad and have to resort to singing FullkawaP songs, whichIdontreallymindatallheeheejaksnfmasfmlkasjm”
Chiika gave Holi a Omg-You-So-Stupid-Gurl stare. “Why are we discussing this anyway, Mari? What made you suddenly come to this kind of thought?”
Mari was stopped in her words, and everyone went silent.
Xephy was still listening in, waiting for Mari’s reply.
“……….Well you see…….I kind of…..met this boy…..he’s singer and stuff”
“His name?” Chiika looked at Mari sternly.
Xephy held his breath.
“……………..Well………He only told me that he went by the name DuranCloud.”
Xephy dropped his soda cans on the floor, the girls following that sound to see Xephy standing in front of them.
He stared at them, hurt.
“Mari, you’re really thinking of replacing me?”
“NO! I NEVER SAID THAT XEPHY!” Mari looked so guilty.
Xephy walked off, not saying a word to her. “I don’t want to hear anything more she has to say, I refuse to believe that she would replace me. It’s not like the guys will agree with it anyway, and Chiisana is on my side as it IS ANYWAY.” He walked to where the guys were, sitting and still snacking on sandwiches, and sat down next to Ian and Ryan.
Ryan looked at Xephy, concerned. “You alright man?”
“Yeah, don’t worry about it” He was doing his best to fake that smile.
“Where’d our drinks go?” Mango had a disappointed look on his face.
“OH CRAP.” Xephy quickly ran back to where he had dropped the cans and bottles, picking them up one by one, when suddenly-
ll SLAP ll
All he saw was Mari walking off in rage.
Xephy looked over to see Chiika on the ground, holding her face.
He quickly ran to her, deeply concerned about what had happened.
“She…….She’s probably just PMSing…….” Chiika spoke through a pained tongue that she had bitten upon being slapped.
Behind Chiika was a teary-eyed Chiisana and Holi who was comforting the both of them.
Xephy stood up and looked at Mari, as she began to walk farther and farther from them all.
What was going on in Mari’s head? What was happening to PareFura?
Doubie the Carrot Tamer Chapter 2 by Kuraiinu
Iiiiiiiiiiit’s back and stupider than ever. These chapters just get more and more ridiculous I don’t even know. ANYWAYS CARROT STORY
Chapter 2-The Hall of Mirrors
For about 3 days there had been no trouble, I finally had an opportunity to catch up on some vidja-gaming that I’d so dearly missed it’s ridiculous. Suddenly, while I was in the middle of some Mario Kart, here come’s Mr.Gangsta all up in my grill (oh my gosh I never said that).
“YOOOOO, GOT SOME BIZZ TO DO. CHOP CHOP” By now you ought to be used to this, a talking carrot spirit that resides inside me that only speaks in Ebonics, yes my life just makes that much sense.
Anyway feeling a bit disappointed I couldn’t AT LEAST FINISH MY MATCH, I grabbed my coat and headed on outside, walking in the middle of the street where no cars seemed to pass. Finally, the carrot began to go nuts and pointed me in the direction of what looked like a torn down complex. The only thing that looked habitable was a small room to the far left that resembled a large bouncy house like those things little kids play on during their birthdays or something.
Inside this place, was a plethora of mirrors surrounding me. I almost made a very very bad pun about the beauty of this place but that was interrupted by the sound of a little gurl crying. <——(*GIRL) It seemed like the sound was reverberating from across the hall, so I continued walking only to feel as if I’d been walking for 5 minutes. I looked behind me, I was still at the entrance. Something here was dangerously out of whack and I’m just going to let my proper speech deteriorate for the sake of the story.
I tested a small theory I had, and threw a piece of paper I had in my coat pocket to the front of the room, It appeared that it had moved far to the end, but when I stepped forward I saw that the paper was right at my feet. Whatever was in this room, was causing some kind of illusion to my eyes.
Once again came that sound of crying, and this time Carrot began to seriously freak out. “WOAH MANG DIS AINT FLYIN WIT ME. IS COMIN FROM DAT CO-NA OVA DER.” I turned to face my left, seeing a space that appeared to have some figure laying there. Oddly enough, I was able to walk all the way to get to it, and knelt down to discover that it was an onion.
..a crying onion….the irony here is just so bad oh geez.
Being the good Samaritan I am I asked the small vegetable “are you alright” and all it did was turn to me, and then appear to disappear. Suddenly, the onion grew in size and number and it appeared that I was surrounded on all sides by it. Now things were getting interesting.
“How could you even fall for that? A crying onion? Even someone as dense as you should’ve been able to realize that’s not even possible” the onion’s voice changed from female to a mix of male+female distortion, it was so disgusting.
“I have a talking carrot in side of me, I’ve gotten to the point where I’ll believe anything weird I see is real”
Again, Carrot freaked out and yelled into my head “HEY I THINK THE TRICK BEHIND DIS THANG MIGHT BE DEM MIRRURS”
NO….FREAKING..S*** THERE’S NO POSSIBLE WAY I COULD’VE KNOWN THAT. I MEAN, HOW COULD A GAMER SUCH AS MY SELF EVER BE ABLE TO DECIPHER SUCH AN OBVIOUS CLICHE? GOODNESS CARROT, YOU ARE SO SMART :/
Ignoring my continuous raging thoughts, I walked close to one of the mirrors the onion’s face was reflected from, and peered into it closely. I couldn’t see any obvious differences in the other mirrors either, so I decided to crack one of the mirrors and do a light test. I walked back outside and used the sun to reflect my piece of mirror’s light back into the hallway,and watched as the light bounced from mirror to mirror until I suddenly heard a scream of pain come from the onion. GOTCHA.
I quickly ran to the mirror located in the far corner of where I first encountered the onion, following the scream of pain, and knocked that mirror in half, finding the onion on the other side, cowering in fear. I will not lie, it looked kinda cute the way it was just whimpering like that, I kinda felt something of a pity for it. I wasn’t necessarily asked to destroy it or anything, it didn’t seem to have caused much trouble, but suddenly the floor around me began to shake violently, and the door to the hall of mirrors closed. The floor appeared to start moving,and I wondered if this could be another illusion, that maybe the onion was an accomplice for whatever was causing the real chaos.
Suddenly, I heard another low voice, it sounded oddly familiar….
TO BE CONTINUED
#Terrible Story 20
Doubie The Carrot Tamer Chapter 1 Part 2 By Kuraiinu
“OH DAMNS GURL DIS BE GOIN DOWN LIKE DONKEY KONG”
I was beginning to feel so embarassed being able to actually understand what this carrot was saying, for reals dawg.
…I never said that.
Anyway, as I approached the huge plethora of zuccinis staring at me with malicious intent, and raised one arm to the air.
“Listen! To all who value their produce, disperse immediately and quietly and no harm shall come to you!”
There was a silence, and suddenly they all became to jump in my direction yelling swear words I didn’t even know vegetables could utter. Thinking quickly, I grabbed the nearest shopping cart and swung at the mob, knocking them over to the apple’s section. (Oh in case you were not aware, apparently having a ghetto carrot spirit inside of you makes you super strong and shizz, I don’t even know really.)
Without warning, the zuccinis began to come together and mesh into another bigger zuccini, making me feel that cliche “OH SHIZZ I JUST MADE MY SITUATION A MILLION TIMES WORSE WITHOUT THINKING ;A;” feeling.
“OH DAYUM YOU DUM GURL, NOW FUR REALZ I CANT EVEN BELIE’ YOU BE TR’N DAT SHAT UP IN HERE. DON’T YOU KNOW DE ZO-KEY-KNEE’S WEAK NAYUS IS DUH SKWASH?”
Seriously? Squash is a zuccini’s weakness? Who is writing this story, seriously.
Conveniently, there was a squash pyramid to my right, so dodging several jumping zuccinis I grabbed a couple, and the carrot inside of me began to glow (it feels extremely weird, like you have this big burp that just refuses to come out and is getting bigger and bigger…)
Suddenly, the squash’s I held in my hand turned into golden swords, and without a second thought I dashed towards the huge zuccini and slashed it into a nice coleslaw, feeling extremely bored at the whole ordeal.
Walking out of the convenience store that was conveniently named “convenience”, that carrot would not stop gloating.
“MMHM, I SWEARS IF YA’LL DIDN’T HAVE ME INSIDE YA DIS WHOLE THANG WOULDA BEEN A MESS, YUP GURL.”
I wanted to make him into juice so bad.
We continued walking in the direction of a gas station to grab some powerade (conveniently) for a job well done. The man at the counter was elderly, and smelled of vinegar, after handing him my money and getting my drank (I mean “drink”) I sat down on the curb, chugging down my strawberry flavored refreshment and staring back at the store, which seemed to be quiet despite the demolished appearance.
I can’t believe I’m gonna be doing this kinda thing everyday.
-Terrible Story #19
Doubie the Carrot Tamer Chapter 1 Part 1 By Kuraiinu
“Looks like another rainy day…”
My dark black umbrella seemed to not only reflect the ease of my mood, but the darkness in the sky as the hard rain continued beating down upon me. I looked to both sides of me, watching as all the people frantically ran towards their cars in an attempt to quickly get themselves wherever they wanted to go.
My name is Doubie, in case you were too lazy to read the prologue, and I’ve got one of the most retarded jobs in the history of the world.
I tame evil carrots that’ve gone bad and shit. To be honest, I’d much rather be at home watching cartoons and playing video games but NOOOO I’ve got a WEIRD, ghetto carrot that is constantly on my case about missions and the only way to get him to shut up is to actually complete the missions….
OH SPEAK OF THE DEVIL AND HE SUDDENLY TALKS TO ME. “OH WE GOT OWASELVES A WIHLD ONE GURL, LOOK SHAHP.” That’s carrot talk for “go do my work for me, slave” I turned on my phone, in which the carrots face (we’ll just call him Mr.K for future reference) appeared and began to, if you will, “lay it on me”
“NOW LISTEN HURR, YOU’VE GOTTA GO GET DEM PRODUCE AT DAT STO OVA DUR, THEY BE SOME CRAAAAAAZY ZUCCINIS THAT BE TRY’N TO CHOKE PPL AND SHIZZ.” I will not translate that, I’m hoping you can interpret it yourself, you can read, right?
Walking in the still pouring rain, I conveniently approached a convenience store that was conveniently named “Convience” and walked through the front door. What stood in front of me were an army of zuccinis, all faced in my direction.
SHIT WAS ABOUT TO GET REAL. <to be continued>
-Terrible Story #18
EVERBODY WAS PERSONIFIGHTING by Kuraiinu
I’m writing this in the form of a video game script kthxbye
Kurai: It’s too strong! We’re gonna have to use drastic measures!
Kenta: I’m already on my last legs nngh, what should we do guys?
Doubie: I HAVE A CUNNING IDEA.
*doubie turns her attention at Kenta and Kurai with an epic look in her face*
Doubie: KURA. YOUR….PER…SOOONAAAA <—-*spoken in an epic whisper with like 500 reverbs on it*
Kurai: RIGHT! *picks card from pocket*
OK NOW I WRITING IT IN STORY FORM
Kurai picked up the blue card in his pocket and summoned a persona. “I SUMMON THEE, MAHBAWLS, COME FORTH NOWWW!!” A blue light emanated from the card and turned into the biggest pair of balls you have ever seen, they were all dressed up in a suit with a top hat like a broadway performer it was so dazzling Kenta couldn’t help but be at awe at the sight so much that his mouth actually dropped to the ground, Doubie snort laughing at him.
“THIS IS. MY. PERSONA.” Kurai stood there nodding at his persona, as if they had an agreement. He then turned his attention toward the others. “YOUR PERSONAS GUYS. DO IT NOW.” Doubie picked her card and summoned forth her persona. “I CALL FORTH OHAILYESH. COME FORTH NOWWW” Her persona was in the shape of a random anime girl with a dark blue top hat who resembled someone from a popular video game about TVs and shit I dunno. Kenta summoned forth his persona next. “I CALL FORTH THE ONE WHO CALLS THEMSELF ANBA” Upon summoning his persona, the others looked at him with extreme suprise. What stood in front of them was the sleeping body of Anba, wearing banana pajamas and sucking her thumb, holding a pillow next to her. She suddenly awoke, and stared at everyone with a half-sleepy face.
“WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING HERE. I HAVE SCHOOL TOMORROW”
TOO BE CONTINUED
-Terrible Story #17
Doubie the Carrot-Tamer Prologue BY KURAIINU☆
This might be my best work yet.
The bright morning sky blanketed the atmosphere with a beautiful velvet layer of reds and oranges, painting a beautiful picture too wonderful to not want a picture of.
My name is Doubie, and I am a carrot-tamer. I guess you could chalk it down to rotten luck? Yeah, rotten luck just like all the damn vegetables I have to deal with on a daily basis.
It all began one day in the middle of summer vacation, I had just finished my morning yoga excersize after helping out at the local Tone-Deaf-Children-who-can’t-Sing-for-shit’s House, and it seemed like any other day, ya know?
However, I noticed that in the middle of the field was an ingrown weed, and I was like “OH HELLZ NO THIS SHIT AIN’T FLYIN’ HOMES” and went to dispose of the little bugger. As I uprooted it a spirit flew out of it, in the shape of a carrot. “YO MAIN, WHY YOU BE ALL UP IN MAH ROOTS LIKE THAT?!” The carrot spoke in old-style slang, fortunately my daily lessons with Karu payed off well so I was able to interpret his speech. I did my best to communicate back to him as well as I could, “YO, YOU BE LAYIN’ UP ON DEESE FOLK’S YAHD SO LIKE YEAH DAT AIN’T KUL YA GOT ME?” And the carrot spirit suddenly flew into me, filled with extreme anger. Upon doing so, all my senses were altered, and I could see, hear, feel, smell, and taste carrot. I saw my body sparkling a bright orange, it felt invigorating, this immense power.
“THIS BE DA POWER OF CARRUT, SINCE YOU BE TRYIN TO STEAL MAH HOMES, YOU BEST TAKE CARE OF DEM OTHA VEGGIES DAT BE POPULATIN’ DA WORLD, YA DIG?”
AND SUDDENLY ALL THE GROUND SHOOK AND MILLIONS OF EVIL VEGGIES ROSE UP AND STARTED ATTACKING ME, BUT WITH THE POWER OF MY UTILITY CARROT I ZAPPED DEM BITCHES LIKE THE PRODUCE THEY ARE.
And yeah, that’s how I ended up here, yerp.
☆EXTREMELY HEART-WRENCHING EMMY AWARD WINNING STORY #16☆
I Bet He’s Gay (Shoujo Fanfiction) by Caspy [Part 3]
Goddammit. Why do you people want this thing. It’s so fucking terrible.
Chapter 3: The Sparkly Group Date
Mong: It’s you… /tear runs down cheek.
Doubie then looked at the dude and grabbed him by the collar.
Doubie: BITCH. WHAT YOU DO TO MONG?
The dude: Heey. I did nothing. I don’t even know her.
Mong: D-doubie! I-it’s fine… I-I just can’t hold it in any longer… M-my… BLADDER. I NEED TO PEE. Be right back.
No, seriously. I had to pee. I’ve been holding it in for WAAAY too long.
When I came out of the bathroom, Doubie and the guy was no longer there. Suddenly, I got a text message from Doubie. “Dude, u just left me n an awkward moment after what u just said, so I left. Cya.” Whoops. My bad. I then got a text message from Kenta. “Meet my beautiful self at the “Café Infinity” on the 2nd floor.”
I had 2 options. To go meet up with them on the second floor or I can just ditch them, but then I’d just look like a COMPLETE asshole. I got nothing better to do anyways. Might as well go and see. When I reached the second floor, the guy I just met was sitting next to Katie. Woah. Such a shoujo “coincidence.”
Katie: MOOONG! OVER HEEERE~!!!
I went and sat on the only vacant chair… next to Kenta :(.
Kenta: What took you so long? You shouldn’t keep my wonderful self waiting for too lo—-
I stomped his foot to make him shut up.
Guy from the fight: Oh. You’re that girl who needed to pee!
Mong: Yes. I’m the girl who needed to pee. And you’re the guy who fights like a ballerina!
Haru: Woaaah. You guys already met? You got in a fight again? Mmmyyyyyy~~~ You’re so naughty. Hee heee. Apol, why can’t you be as manly as him?
Apol: He fights like a fucking balleri—-
Haru: I don’t wanna hear your excuses.
Apol: I CAN BE MANLY, TOO! ARM WRESTLE ME, GUYRIN.
-Apol loses-
Apol: FUUUUCKKK!!! –dramatic tears goes into tea cup-
So his name as GuyRin… I knew it. He was the boy I met 4 years ago…
Katie: Oh. I forgot to properly introduce him. This is my boyfriend, Guyrin. Isn’t he such a tall, handsome guy? He can be a bit blunt, though. He’s actually in a boy band and they’re about to debut sometime around March!
Guyrin: You’re telling her too much. Come on, baby. Embrace me in public.
Haru: Myyyy~~ You’re soooo boold. Why can’t you be bold like him, Apol?
Haru: OH! APOL! WHY ARE YOU SHOWING YOUR BODY TO ALL THESE GIRLS!
Apol: I-I just wanted to make you happy QAQ!!
Haru: If you wanna make me happy… come here… let’s go into that convenient bathroom right there~
She took Apol into the bathroom and locked the door.
Guyrin: Ohshit. Time to leave.
As we left, these were the last words we heard from Apol and Haru.
Apol: APOL MANLYYYY TIIIIIIIIMEEE!!!!
Haru: AHH! YESS!! YEEESSS! THAT’S IT!! A BIT HARDER!!! NOW FASTER!!!
Apol: TAKE THAT!! YEAAAAHH!!!!
Haru: OH YEAAAH!!! USE THAT TINY DI——-
And that was all we heard as we left.
We went into this extremely expensive store full of clothing. We were going shopping I guess. I wasn’t really interested nor did I have the money to buy anything.
Kenta: Hey, Mong! You’d totally look good in this! Also with these jeans… And oh! This accessory, this hat, OMG! YOU’D LIKE, TOTALLY LOOK CUTE IN THIS, TOO! DON’T YOU THINK THIS DRESS IS SO PRETTY?
Mong: …Are you sure you were supposed to be born a guy?
Kenta: HEY. Guys can have good taste in clothing, too~ /sparkles.
Mong: Don’t you think you’d look good with those short shorts?
Kenta: OH MY GOD!!! You’re RIGHT! HOLD ON!
He went into the changing room and then came out. I can’t believe he was actually doing it. Wow. He finally came out.
Kenta: How do I look? /shines.
At that moment, I felt a really weird, obsessive stare from Katie.
Katie: Legs…
Kenta: Ahh~ Aren’t you attracted to my beautifully, toned, sexy, pretty legs?
Katie: Legs… /rub rub rub.
Kenta: I can see that you’re worshipping me /hair flip
Store employee: HEY! YOU HAVE TO PAY FOR THAT! COME BAACCKKK!!!!
Guyrin: I’ll pay for it.
Store employee: That’ll be $94.79, please.
Guyrin: Here you go.
Mong: Woah. You’re so generous. Are all of you rich or something?
Guyrin: Eh. Somewhat. I’ll just make him pay me back plus interest rate anyways.
We started walking out of the store to see Katie and Kenta speeding around the mall.
Mong: …Did she always have an obsession with legs?
Guyrin: Yeah… It all started when she had a dream that her son would have perfect legs. Ever since then, she had a craving for rubbing legs.
Mong: You guys are so fucking sparkly yet so fucking weird… except for you. You’re the only normal one.
Guyrin: Thank you?
Mong: No. That’s a bad thing. It means you’re boring. And now I’m stuck with yo——
Girls #819: KYAAA!!! ANGEL KENTA-SAMA IS IN SHORT SHORTS! LET’S ALL CHASE AFTER HIM, TOO!!!!!
All crazy chicks: KYAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh, shit. They started running really fast and a big crowd of girls was about to run over me. This is the part where Guyrin, the magical bishounen is supposed to save me. Guyrin then got a cup of water out of nowhere, unbuttoned his shirt, and poured it down him. He flipped his hair and sparkled and faced the demonic group of girls.
Guyrin: Stop. /seductive voice
The group of girls then stopped.
Guyrin: Sit.
They sat like dogs.
Guyrin: Fall.
Girls: Kyaaa~~~~
And they all fainted and swooned
Mong: Why is every girl in town so damn stupid?
Guyrin: Come on. Let’s go do something fun since you’re so bored.
He grabbed me into a random hallway.
Mong: What are you doing?
He suddenly cornered me. I could see his abs and pecs closing in on me. I could feel his breath and his stare engulfing my body.
Mong: Woah there. You’re getting a little close. S-stop it.
And then, all of a sudden, I could see a girl watching us in shock… It was Katie.
-Terrible Story #15
I Bet He’s Gay (Shoujo Fanfiction) by Caspy [Part 2.5]
Chapter 2.5: Let’s Have a Cliché Childhood Story! Also, why is Mong a bitch?
It was a hot summer day. The birds were singing, I could see a rainbow, the breeze was nice, and I fucking hate everything. I want to go back home.
I was at my grandpa’s house for summer vacation and every day I would become tired as fuck. Sure, I love my grandpa and all but this work is so tiresome. He was a strong, old man who had a farm all to himself. His name was Sunny B. Mcphills. He came from my mom’s side of the family and everyone just called him Sun. Every single day I had to wake up early and do all these chores: cleaning cow manure, collect chicken eggs, milking the cows, and all this other unwanted work. One day, I saw a really expensive glass bottle that had some sort of liquid in it. I kind of wanted to drink it.
Mong: Hey, Grandpa! I think you should let me drink that for all the hard work I’ve been doing!
Grandpa Sun: That’s illegal, girl. You’re only 9. Once you’re old enough I’ll let you try some of that.
Mong: EEHH? But by the time I’m old enough, you would have already drank it all.
Grandpa Sun: Then let’s make a promise. If you continue to work hard until you’re old enough, we can drink any wine you want.
Mong: That doesn’t sound like it’s worth it…
Grandpa Sun: I’ll make you a deal, then. I’ll stop sleeping with random men—— [JUST KIDDING. THAT’S NOT WHAT HE REALLY SAID]
-What he really said-
Grandpa Sun: I’ll make you a deal, then. When you’re old enough, we’ll drink whatever wine you want PLUS I’ll let you see what’s inside my treasure box and let you have whatever is inside if you keep working hard every summer without complaining
Gramps had never let me go even near his sparkly treasure box. One time I almost came close to touching it and he picked me up then threw me into cow manure. I knew not to ever come close to it ever again. But now, I have the opportunity to and I am REALLY curious.
Mong: DEAL!
Grandpa Sun patted me and gave a big smile. I knew that I had to come back here every summer now, but somehow, I didn’t mind much.
I continued to work at Grandpa’s farm every year as hard as I could. When I had turned 13 and summer had started again, I went to Grandpa’s farm. When I arrived, there were firemen surrounding his house; it was on fire.
I couldn’t believe what was happening. My parents who had brought me here were in shock as well. They covered my eyes and tried to shield me away from the event. When I heard them crying, I pulled their hands off. What was in front of me was Grandpa; dead in the arms of the fireman who just came out of the house. The promise was dead now. Grandpa couldn’t keep it. He’s dead. He’s dead…
When the fire had settled away, I went into the ruined house and we looked around for what could have remained. Nobody knew how the fire came about. My grandpa was always a careful man. Everything that could’ve started the fire was turned off and he wasn’t a smoker either.
While walking around, I saw my mom. She gave me the box.
Mong’s mom: Your grandpa wanted to give you this.
I took the box… But I didn’t want to open it. I’m not old enough… Maybe the promise could be fulfilled… at least half of it…
My parents decided to sell Grandpa Sun’s land. The family that took it was gay. There were two men and they had one child who was adopted. The child was named Aniki. He was an adorable shoutaface that loved to play video games and had pretty legs, too. I pleaded the family if I could work on the farm during the summer and they agreed.
One day, Aniki ran from home because while chasing a pretty butterfly. For some reason, he took my treasure box that Grandpa gave to me, too. Everyone started to freak out.
Muscular husband: TIME TO GET ON MY MANLY MOTORCYCLE AND HEAD OUT.
While I was looking for little Aniki, I found a good looking boy about my age. He was playing with little Aniki. He was dancing around… practicing ballet.
Mong: Wow. You’re pretty good.
Boy: WOAH.
The boy was blushing. I guess he was embarrassed that he was found out about his unmanly hobby. I could see that little Aniki was amused. Wait, hold on. I don’t see the treasure box.
Mong: Sorry, didn’t mean to interrupt your unmanly dancing.
Boy: SHUT UP.
Mong: If you’re embarrassed by it, then you shouldn’t do it in the first place. Be proud about it or else you’ll end up half-assing it. Come on, shoutaface. Your parents are looking for you.
Little Aniki came to me. And grabbed my hand.
Boy: I’ll become a professional dancer one day.
Mong: Uhuh. I didn’t come here to listen about your life story. See ya.
Boy: Wait. Aren’t you looking for this?
He took out the box from behind him.
Mong: Give that back!
I reached out from him but he dodged and then suddenly, he lifted me up and carried me on his shoulder.
Mong: PUT ME BACK DOWN, YOU BASTARD!!!
Little Aniki started pointing and laughing at me.
Boy: You have a bad mouth, girl. I should discipline you.
The boy was about to threw me into the nearest river and just when he was about to, I managed to reach down and punched his balls, causing both of us to fall into the river; we both became incredibly wet.
Mong: Uuuugh. You idiot!
Boy: T-t-that’s illegal!
Mong: HELL IT IS! WHERE’S THE BOX?
I searched around furiously for it.
Boy: I still have it you know.
I tackled him down into the river.
Mong: GIVE IT BACK!!!
Boy: AGH!!! HEY. I CAN SEE THROUGH YOUR CLOTHING!
Mong: ACKK!!!
I covered myself. This can’t be happening. I’m playing around in the river while having my body being exposed to a guy who had stolen my box. You know what? Fuck it. Who cares if I’m exposed? I’m not gonna let him over-power me.
Mong: SO WHAT?!
I kicked him across the face. For some reason, after the boy got back up, he started laughing.
Mong: What’s so funny?
Boy: I never had someone kick me so hard before. What’s your name? I’m Guyrin.
Mong: I don’t need to tell you.
Guyrin: Tell me and I’ll give you back this shiny box.
Mong: Ugh. Fine. I’m Mong.
Guyrin: Alright, here.
He gave a big smile. While I reached over to grab it, he took my arm and kissed my lips. Little Aniki stared in amazement.
Little Aniki: Oooooooooooohhhhhhh~
After he released me, I just took the box and walked away, taking Aniki’s hand.
Guyrin: What? No reaction?
Mong: You’re a terrible kisser.
I looked back and gave him a smile.
Mong: Thanks for playing with little Aniki, you asshole. I hope to never see you again.
While I started walking again, he called out to me again.
Guyrin: HEY!
Mong: WHAT?!!
Guyrin: YOUR GRANDMA’S NAME IS TOMIE, RIGHT? NO WONDER YOU’RE A BITCH.
[To be continued of Guyrin’s and Mong’s romantic history. AHHAHAHAHHAHAHA.]
